ten years ago today my mom lost her fight with cancer. i can hardly believe that it has been that long. i miss mom quite a bit. if you have not spoken to a loved one or told them how you feel about them, please take time to do so today. i wish that i had not let my ego and desire to be right override my love for others that i can no longer speak with or interact with. i do not have regrets – but i do have a huge desire for just a few more moments. moments to say what should have been said, moments to hug one more time, moments that can never come back. be blessed today, and make an example of how to live your life for others.
i wish that you could watch the little ones grow up – they do ask about you quite often – ask what you were like and would you have liked them. i assure then that you would have loved them as much as they could take. they inquire about you at the strangest of times – we will be going somewhere when they all of a sudden they need the opinion or insight you would have provided.
i hope that i do as good of a job in child rearing as you and dad did with me and my siblings. i speak the truth here when i say that when it comes to me comparing my attempt at fatherhood to that of my dad’s i am an utter and complete failure. i am not being negative or trying to be hard on myself, dad was and still is the greatest.
as i watch things progress, i know that you were always there for me. i try to do the same for mine.
i was so stupid as a child growing up and into adulthood. so many things that i thought i needed or things that i just had to do – none of that really matters now does it? but you could not tell me that – i had to figure that out on my own. of all the things that really mattered it was the time we spent together as a family that counts the most. i hope that my children’s learning curve is much faster than mine was.
it as not about having the cool clothes, or the best house or any of that. when i go back to where we grew up i realize that we were poor – but i never knew it. we were blessed beyond imagination. we always had a meal ready for us, and we went places that you took us so that we would understand other people, other places, and other cultures. thank you for opening my eyes to so many things.
i know that you are in a better place, and that you definitely are not suffering or are in any more pain. thanks again mom for everything; though i am not sure that i ever said thank you in the first place.
love you so much – q.